Some Comic Hurricane Relief

You know you live in Florida if...

You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.

You have more than 300 'C' and 'D' batteries in your kitchen drawer.

Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti O's and 30 cans of Tuna Fish.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.

When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths, and one safe hallway.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

The road leading to your house has been declared a 'No-Wake' Zone.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking "It'll only take a gallon of gas to get there and back".

You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You catch a 13-pound redfish ---- in your driveway.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.

At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.

There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel and every single newscaster and reporter at all of the major stations in town.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.

You spend more time on your roof then in your living room.

You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder, and a tree trimmer.

Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.

The hurricane shutter guy and your roofer are driving BMW's.

You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."

You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.

A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.

A chain saw, generator or a gas grill comes as a free gift with every new Florida mortgage